W.D.Tyree Ministries

“I’m fat!” “I’m ugly!” “I have nothing to wear that doesn’t make me look gross!”

Despite all your pep talks and positive reinforcement, you can’t seem to get through to your daughter. She’s unhappy with her appearance and convinced that everyone else is looking at her with judgment. You’re sad that she’s so one, too focused on her physical appearance and second, doesn’t appreciate her unique beauty. How do you help your daughter develop a healthy body image?

Healthy self esteem comes from the inside. As much as we would like to be able to pour it into our kids like a bucket, it isn’t that simple. However, there ARE ways we as parents can help:
Studies show that girls who play sports have a more positive body image than girls who don’t. It’s important for girls to play sports or do some kind of challenging physical activity so that they learn to appreciate their bodies for what they can DO instead of only what they look like. This is very important. If your daughter isn’t into soccer or tennis, how about martial arts, ballet or dance? Learning to carry oneself with pride and a growing sense of accomplishment as one meets challenges is how self esteem is built.

Try a reality check. Look at fashion magazines with your daughter and talk about how the photos are airbrushed and how the models are made-up by a team of experts. The reality is, no fashion model or actress actually looks like that when she wakes up in the morning! Help her understand that these images are not “real”. You may want to place a limit on how many of these magazines you allow your daughter to read. They can have a negative impact on a young woman’s self image.

Emphasize good health over looks. Not every body type has the genetics to be a size 2, but you can be healthy and feel great at a size 12. Taking good care of our skin and hair helps us glow from the inside. Girls need to find their comfortable weight and love themselves for who they are instead of comparing themselves to others. Emphasizing nutrition and exercise will help your daughter maximize her natural assets. Healthy and happy is always in style.
Help her pick out clothing that is flattering to her body. Girls want to wear what everyone else is wearing. Unfortunately not all cuts are becoming to all body sizes and shapes. Find some good books at the library that show you how to dress for your body shape. Wearing the right colors for your skin tone, hair and eye color also helps you look your best.

While you are working toward building your daughter’s image, remind her siblings and father that teasing, name calling and rude comments about their sister’s looks will not be tolerated. Avoid watching TV programs and movies that emphasize physical beauty too much or that promote a disrespectful attitude towards women and their bodies.

Finally, if your teen is overweight, institute an exercise / healthy eating program as a family. Start going for walks or runs with her, begin a sport together, join a ladies only gym. Getting active and exercising regularly boosts the mood and encourages more activity even before the weight starts to come off, creating a positive cycle. An overweight teen is going to have a low self image in our thin obsessed society. Work together as a family – it will go a long way in helping your teen daughter develop a healthy body image.

Written by Aurelia Williams

When teens have confidence they believe that they have the ability to succeed and perform well academically, socially, and in those areas of life important to them.  What can you do as a parent to instill confidence in your teen?

Start by having a conversation with your teen about being a leader of his or her life and not a follower.  Teens are bombarded by influences from friends, the media and social networks and having a conversation can go a long way toward helping keep their self-esteem intact.  One parent was concerned about her daughter’s development and confidence and asked a child psychologist the following questions.

Here is what ensued:
Q. I have a 14-year-old daughter, and I want her to BE 14.  Why is the whole world trying to make girls this age act older?
A. Girls are confronted with so many influences – it’s really our culture.  If you could take culture out of the mix here, girls might be a truer representation of a typical 14-year-old.  Our culture is moving very fast and marketing and sales certainly fuels a lot of direction towards young girls.  Young girls are big consumers.  So what parents have to do is empower their daughters with the smarts and with the leadership skills to navigate, understand, and look critically at the media and different companies that are trying to sell to them.  When I say leadership skills, I’m talking about helping them choose, clarify and cherish their value system.

Q. Why is it important to build those leaderships skills?
A. We cannot take them out of the culture that they are developing in so parents need to give them the tools, the practical everyday tools, and the skills to look critically at the media and say, “is this right for me here?”  “What are they really trying to sell me?”  Our daughters need to say the media or anybody else does not need to tell me how “I need to be.”

Q. How do we help parents get a handle on some of the issues their teenagers are facing?
A. Help your teenager develop leadership, decision-making, and problem-solving skills around real life situations so that they can make the decisions that are right for them within the context of their families and their communities.  Remember confidence is about what you believe you can do.  As your child becomes more competent in leadership, decision-making, and problem-solving, he or she will gain greater confidence.