Don't think you can do it; know you can
If you are going to do something you should really do it right
Accepting God's love allows us to love others
Learning to get along with others is always a good thing
Possessing the character of Christ will get you far
Kailah (18)
The mission experience with W D Tyree Ministries taught me compassion. I cannot begin to express the tremendous impression it left on my life. In Kenya, I did a whole lot of growing up. My relationship with God grew stronger as I learned to live for Christ by serving others. I remember one time, in particular, when our team distributed clothing at an orphanage. I had sorted through some of the gently used clothing that was donated, wondering why anyone would want these items. The expressions on the faces of children who received them were as if Christmas had come early. It made me cry knowing that a heart of compassion goes a long way. It made me appreciate things back in America and be more willing to share my blessings.
Teaching Servanthood
If your kids ever wonder, “What does God look like?” send them to me. I’ve seen His hands. I’ve seen them all my life – on an Iowa couple named George and Ruth. Before I could even read, I watched those hands empty bedpans, prepare sponge baths and feed Ruth’s elderly mother. During my teen years, after a drunk driver demolished our car with my whole family inside, I watched those hands build a mini-hospital in our livingroom. They made meals, washed sheets, scrubbed dishes and administered medications for months.
In the 61 years of George and Ruth’s marriage, those hands regularly delivered meals to shut-ins, scraped plates at church functions and hugged strangers in nursing homes. Today, George is 91 and Ruth is 86, but they don’t seem to notice. Those hands still fold bulletins, stuff envelopes for church mailings, and squeeze the shoulders of neighbors in their assisted living apartments.
George and Ruth haven’t ended world hunger. They haven’t cured AIDS. They just see needs and quietly, tenderly meet them. My grandparents put flesh and bone to God’s great love.
Those hands not only changed who I was – they changed who I want to be.
Being “God’s Hands”
Have your kids seen God’s hands? It’s great to talk about Jesus washing feet and feeding crowds, but those accounts are just bedtime stories to children who don’t witness servant behavior in their world.
That realization convicts me to examine my definition of “servanthood.” See, I’m a doer. I count my day successful if I’ve marked everything off my checklist. If you’re like me, you may even battle a production mentality in the realm of serving. Teaching Sunday school classes or taking someone a meal or writing a check to charity are all good activities. But are we cheerful givers? Or are we just trying to fill a quota? Hoping to impress someone? Attempting to get the church staff off our backs?
I’m not dissing day planners and lists, but my hunch is that Jesus wouldn’t use them. He seemed to keep his schedule open for divine appointments. He never avoided a task that was “beneath” Him or considered any person unworthy of His time.
Sure, He got frustrated: He wept for our lack of understanding, but He never gave up on His mission. Whether He was performing a marvelous miracle or holding a child, He did everything with great compassion.
He asked us to do likewise. Take time. Be humble. Keep on. Love.
Simple commands…but hard commands. Commands that don’t fit on a checklist.
Like God himself, our kids aren’t tracking the number of our activities or judging how “good” those works may seem. They’re watching to see if our hands are working in tandem with our hearts.
Earthly Rewards for Servanthood
Growing up in church, I learned that following Christ’s example led to heavenly treasures. What I didn’t know was how richly God rewards servant behavior here on earth!
Maybe you’ve experienced those feelings of accomplishment and satisfaction after helping someone…but that’s just the beginning. Numerous studies link mental and physical health benefits with servanthood. Other research suggests that kids with a servant mindset have higher GPAs, better reading comprehension, sharper critical thinking and problem solving skills, higher levels of creativity, and a greater understanding of and appreciation for others. Kids who are given opportunities to serve others also tend to make healthier lifestyle choices and develop better social skills than those who don’t volunteer.
Even kids as young as five can reap some of these benefits, research suggests. Deborah Spaide, author of Teaching Your Kids to Care: How to Discover and Develop the Spirit of Charity in Your Children says that parents do their children a disservice by sheltering them too much from the world’s suffering.
“Kids can only go on for so long, feeling such painful empathy without any opportunity to do anything about it, before they begin to tell themselves to stop feeling anything at all.” Spaide says.
She suggests pointing them toward altruism before they become hardened, because serving others “helps kids discover their talents, hone their skills and begin to believe in themselves.”
Aspects of Servanthood
It’s never too early to being cultivating servantlike traits. If we start by teaching and modeling basic kindness, we lay a foundation for communicating the value of work and charity. Some worthwhile aspects of servanthood to teach include
- Empathy and compassion: Around the time they start talking, children are capable of empathy. When psychologists studied young children whose parents were physically or emotionally hurt, they observed that the kids either sought to solve the problem or offered comfort and kindness to the parent. It’s critical that we nurture this inherent concern for others.
- Godly work ethic: The Bible frequently warns against idleness, asserting that it leads to ruin. Work is not a punishment from God but a means by which we develop character. People who comprehend the purpose of work – and who find satisfaction in a job well done – are most likely to behave in ways that will improve their world.
- Volunteering, serving and giving: In God’s economy, our time and money are not our own. We are stewards of his earthly kingdom. People who understand and act on this principle set themselves up to receive abundant blessing, in this life and the next!
- Discernment in Servanthood: Compassion must be tempered by wisdom. Kids need to recognize that even if their motives are pure, other people’s may not be. There are ways they can protect themselves while giving their time and money as wisely as possible.
by Carolyn MacInnes
Kayla (14)
Living with, and growing up as the only child of, my mother provided me with little opportunity to do yard work. As a member of a team doing a beautification project with W D Tyree Ministries, I found myself having to learn to rake leaves, operate a blower, and pressure wash the walkway of a school campus. I did not have confidence in my ability to do these things because I had never done them before. My upper body strength is not that great. My team member sometimes lost patience with me but when I was coached by the group leader, I realized that my confidence was directly related to my competence. I was taught the proper technique for raking, operating the blower, and use of the pressure washer. I discovered that my skill was as good as the rest of the group even though I was a little slower. I guess you could say this opportunity provided my by W D Tyree Ministries help my competence in physical challenges.
Spiritual Competence: what does it mean to fully grow followers of Jesus Christ?
Most workers in youth ministry and parents have a tacit understanding of what they want youth to know/believe/experience/do before they leave youth ministry. However, many leaders and parents lack a clear definition of discipleship, and this lack of clarity may hinder efforts to guide youth toward being full-blown Disciples of Christ.
The Bible tells us about three key aspects of this important topic:
- Dimensions of Discipleship (What knowledge, experience, and relationships are essential?)
- The Process of Discipleship (How does one become a disciple?)
- The Marks of a Disciple (What is the nature of Christ likeness, and what do we need to keep in mind as we develop curriculum to teach Christ likeness?)
In reality, most of us emphasize one dimension of discipleship more than the others. Some of us default to the practices that helped us grow. Perhaps taking a serious look at the subject will help us be more biblical and intentional in our approaches.
The Four Dimensions of Discipleship
Luke 2:52 gives us a window into the adolescent years of Jesus, telling us that he grew in two ways: horizontally (in favor with man) and vertically (in favor with God). These two dimensions also are modeled in the cross. Vertical discipleship includes being reconciled to God (Rom. 5:10), while horizontal discipleship means we must be reconciled with others (Matt. 5:24; 25:40).
This two-dimensional approach is superior to the one-dimensional “Jesus-and-me” approach promoted by some leaders. Although the vertical dimension is critically important, no one can grow as a disciple of Christ in isolation.
Still, this two-dimensional model does not go far enough in describing the multi-dimensional reality of the human experience. Let’s consider a four-sided approach modeled on the pyramid, which has three visible sides and a base. This pyramid model will help illustrate the following four dimensions of discipleship.
- Belief—This is the cognitive side of making a disciple. What are the core beliefs youth need to know to provide them with a biblical foundation? Teaching and rehearsing these foundational truths is a critically important dimension of discipleship. Romans 10:2 speaks of those who “have a zeal for God, but not according to knowledge.” It is a scary thing to observe ignorance on fire! Yet in our effort to disciple youth, we sometimes have more zeal than knowledge, more pep rally than content. .
- Relationship—Accountability comes with relationship. Fruit of the Spirit is exhibited in community. In John 13:35, Jesus tells us exactly how people will be able to recognize his disciples, and it is not by how well they do on a Jesus pop-quiz. He reminds us that we will be identified as His disciples by our love for one another. Knowledge is important, but the context of community is where discipleship is practiced and observed.
- Conviction—This side of the pyramid may be unobservable at times, although it is vital to discipleship. This is the passion that drives our obedience. Without it, youth are simply duty-driven in following Christ. Paul speaks of this dimension of discipleship in 2 Corinthians 5:14 where he declares the love of Christ compels him because he is convinced. These words are filled with passion and personal conviction.
It is not enough to simply “know the right things” or “do the right things.” Youth must have the “right passion and conviction” as motivation. If we ignore this attitudinal dimension (as difficult as it is to observe or measure), our discipleship endeavor is simply the dead obedience of legalism.
- Mystery—This fourth dimension of discipleship is the hidden base of the entire pyramid. Though often overlooked, the role of the Holy Spirit in discipleship is an essential dimension that we cannot orchestrate, manipulate, or control.
We plan, plant, and water, but growth and sanctification are under God’s control (1 Corinthians 3:6–7; 1 Thessalonians 5:23). It is God’s timing, and we cannot nor should we seek to manipulate it. Prayer is our most powerful resource in cultivating this mysterious dimension of discipleship.
The Path and Pace of Discipleship
God has wired each of us differently; although we might embrace this conceptually, we don’t always acknowledge it practically when we disciple youth. Each of us experiences God differently; and the rhythm and pace of our growth will vary, as well.
In his book Sacred Pathways, Gary Thomas identifies nine paths of spiritual formation. The naturalist grows closer to God while summiting a 14,000-foot peak in the Rockies or looking in awe at a spectacularly starry night. The intellectual finds God most profoundly in the pages of the Bible and books of theology. The enthusiast encounters God when participating in full-throttle, unashamed worship. The ascetic finds spiritual growth in the places of quiet solitude with God.
Youth who may experience nothing while having their “quiet time” may be profoundly deepened in their relationship with Christ while actively helping the poor or building a home for the homeless. One size does not fit all.
One of the most common and costly mistakes made by youth leaders while discipling youth is the assumption that their youth will encounter God most profoundly in the same way the leaders themselves did.
Part of the cure is to accept the idea that God has wired youth differently. The other part is to identify how our youth are wired and lean into their lives appropriately. Youth ministries that focus on a single type of spiritual path will frustrate the discipleship of those who need other paths.
The New Testament depicts the disciples’ variety of pathways and pacing.
The apostle Paul was biblically accurate and theologically sound. He was well-trained and wrote letters filled with deep truth and instruction.
Thomas seemed to experience God most profoundly when he could see, touch, and speak with Him. Although some of us have been a bit skeptical and suspicious of our senses, there are those such as Thomas who find in them an important part of their spiritual growth.
Peter was emotional and impetuous. He had a short fuse. He hacked off ears and blurted out statements that came back to bite him. It seemed Jesus had to repeat things to Peter a few times before they stuck. He tended to act and then think.
Marks of a Disciple
If our goal in youth ministry is to graduate fully devoted followers of Christ, then describe what it means to be such a follower. I believe most leaders have never articulated a clear description of a discipled youth. When youth graduate from your ministry, how will they be defined? What is your curriculum for Christ-likeness? If you don’t have a clear understanding of where you want them to be when they leave your ministry, they will have a difficult time knowing what is expected. Aim at nothing and you’ll hit it.
Sometimes we better grasp a concept by understanding its opposite. In his book The Divine Conspiracy, Dallas Willard includes a chapter titled “Curriculum for Christlikeness” in which he describes what a curriculum promoting Christlikeness is not:
- It is not simply external conformity.
- It is not special experiences.
- It is not faithfulness to the church or a profession of perfectly held doctrine.
Let me challenge you to create your best definition of discipleship, keeping your “finger in the biblical text” and resisting the press of political correctness, as well as cultural relevance.
The dimensions of discipleship, the path and pace of discipleship, and the marks of discipleship provide a solid foundation on which we can discuss methodology. Without that foundation, our discipleship endeavor will be susceptible to fads and formulas that may provide immediate but unsustainable growth.
PERSONAL REFLECTION
- How am I addressing the four dimensions of discipleship (belief, relationship, conviction, mystery) in my teenager? How could I do a better job of incorporating them?
- How do I encounter God most profoundly? How does this impact the way I teach and relate to my teen? What are some other ways I could try to communicate with teens that think and learn differently than me?
- Do I have an understanding of where I want my teens to be, spiritually, as a result of the ministry to youth at my church? What marks of a disciple would I like to see in my teens? How could I be more intentional about reaching these goals?
Becoming More Competent
In a previous article we identified six arenas where you might demonstrate competence: academically, cognitively, socially, emotionally, vocationally, and spiritually. Each of these areas encompasses many more qualities than you may realize.
EMOTIONAL COMPETENCE
Emotional competence is the ability to identify, manage, and regulate your emotions so that they help rather than hinder your progress in the world. It’s about knowing how to take turns, to delay gratification, to share and get along with others, and to cope with different contingences like success and failure. To be emotionally competent is to understand that you need to take into account other people’s emotions and reactions.
VOCATIONAL COMPETENCE
Vocational competence is about learning to get along with people who have power – such as a boss or supervisor, co-workers, and subordinates. It’s also about learning to take initiative, assume responsibility, follow directions, and complete tasks. Vocational competence demands patience, perseverance, and the ability to attend to work that may not be interesting – boring.
SPIRITUAL COMPETENCE
Spiritual competence is about embracing a world view that is consistent with your stated beliefs. It is choosing healthy options in critical everyday situations that are consistent with values you prize, cherish, and have become your own and not those superimposed on you.
HELP ME
Not that you understand the depth of what we mean when we say competence know this. Very few teens are equally competent in all areas. A strength in one area, however, can build up or compensate for a relative weakness in another. For example, if you are very socially competent but not so when it comes to academics, try using your social networking ability to your advantage in school.