W.D.Tyree Ministries

Children are a product of their environment and teenagers are no exception. If they are subject to a hostile living environment where profanity is being used, shouting is always the way of communication or if there are issues of violence; then the teen is learning that these are the appropriate ways to deal with aggression.

This may not be the case in every situation. It could also be the teen is going through a rebellious phase.
There is a difference between anger and aggression. Anger is being upset and aggression is acting out violently. The most important thing that needs to be done is finding out the root to the problem and why the teen has so much aggression. Fear, guilt, betrayal, insecurity, deep rooted anger or a chemical imbalance are a few reasons for the aggressive behavior.

In the heat of the moment it is counterproductive to address the aggressive behavior that the teen is displaying. Once it deems impossible to resolve this matter among the two of you then soliciting outside help could be the solution. The teen may be more comfortable speaking openly and honestly to a school counselor, therapist or any other nonbiased person.

Aggression can be triggered by a variety of things and it is important to sit with your teen and discuss these issues that trigger their aggression. While having this discussion you may find out things you never knew and because they have been harboring these feelings the result often results in aggressive behavior.

The teen may have authority issues which would explain why they become aggressive when told to do something. While this is a great starting point, the teen needs to understand that being told what to do is a part of life and it does not stop during adulthood and this type of behavior warrants consequences.

A physical outlet such as a Tae Kwon Do class could prove to be very helpful in these situations. It will provide the teen an alternative outlet to relieve built up aggression in a controlled environment. This could also teach the teen respect and discipline. Of course, simply taking a martial arts class is not going to solve all your teen’s problems but it is a start in right direction. Nothing is ever guaranteed but, remember if you keep doing what you have been doing the end result will remain the same.

Written by Aurelia Williams

As a parent you would like to trust your children; but teenagers lie and the bond is broken, it puts a strain on the relationship. Once a parent realizes they have been lied to, feelings of anger may surface. While it seems to be a fact that teens and lies are like two peas in a pod, you want to know what steps to take to help your teen stop lying so that trust can be regained somewhere along the way.

The main thing to realize is that there may be many reasons why your teen is lying. Maybe they have become involved with the wrong crowd and feel that lying that is the only way they will fit in. You may also find that they use lying as a defense mechanism. A boost of self-esteem can also be a reason for lying. Whatever the reason, you want your teen to know that lying can cause serious consequences.

Tips for Dealing with Lying Teenagers

One of the most unfortunate occurrences in the parent and teen relationship is that to a teen telling a lie is not as serious as it is to the parent. It is understandable for a parent to feel a sense of responsibility when their teens lie. There may even be feeling guilty or a sense of failure. But there are some things to consider when it comes to dealing with a lying teen.

• Grasp the fact that your teenager will lie. This will help lessen the shock a bit and perhaps ease your mind of thoughts of them trying to purposely harm you. It is important to be detached and objective so that you are more aware when your teenager is lying.
• If you begin to question a teen and they are lying, they usually become defensive. A normal occurrence of lying is becoming defensive or throwing fits to try to distract you from reaching the bottom line.
• Attempt to establish eye contact. If your teen is having a hard time keeping that contact and they look in any other direction but yours, chances are they are lying. Watch their actions too because they usually speak louder than words if a lie is being told.
• Watch for body language and listen to detail. When someone lies they may either avoid giving detail or share way more than you asked for. Body language may go from a confident stance to being fidgety or touches their mouth or and face. And because of the detail be it a lot or a little, their stories may change again is you ask them to repeat the story one more time.

The moment you suspect your teen is lying, you need to give it immediate attention before it gets worse. Let them know you want to trust them and that lying will simply break the bond of trust you may have. Remember that trying to trap them in a lie is just as dishonest as the lie they may tell.

Explain to them how important it is to have a honest and respectful relationship and that anything outside of that will have clear consequences. Spell those consequences out so that they understand.

You, the parent must lead by example. Your teen needs to hear you being truthful. Even telling little white lies can lead your child away from success when it comes to be honest.

Teens and lying do not have to go hand-in-hand in your life if you take the necessary steps to break the habit early on. Recognize when they are lying, deal with the situation immediately, and explain that your expectation of them does not include dishonesty. You may soon find that they meet your expectation and so much more.

Written by Aurelia Williams

The Parable of the Sower provides a model for approaches to challenging character of our youth:

4 And when a great crowd was gathering and people from town after town came to him, he said in a parable, 5 “A sower went out to sow his seed. And as he sowed, some fell along the path and was trampled underfoot, and the birds of the air devoured it. 6 And some fell on the rock, and as it grew up, it withered away, because it had no moisture. 7 And some fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up with it and choked it. 8 And some fell into good soil and grew and yielded a hundredfold.” As he said these things, he called out, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” ~Luke 8:4-8 ESV

In this first approach, we encourage teens to adopt the outward symbols of faith.  These might be wearing a cross around the neck or a WWJD bracelet around the wrist.  The “symbols” might also be carrying their own Bible or listening to Christian music.  It is a strategy common among parents and youth leaders who are trying to get a teenager to buy into Christian character, and while not wrong in itself, these outward symbols alone do not constitute true faith. Nor do they necessarily lead to the embracing of faith, as they are easily discarded or “eaten by the birds”.

This second approach tries to control the behavior of the young people.  It might take two forms: positive and negative.  A “negative” approach is to try to get the person to stop practicing behavior that is contrary to Christian character.  This may be done by any means from gentle coercion through to outright threat.  A more “positive” approach adopted by some is to urge the young person to embrace Christian behavior, which might be moral (doing the right thing), and/or spiritual, such as carrying a Bible, attending church and youth group, coming forward at a meeting, or being baptized. Neither strategy in itself is likely to achieve ultimate success, as the focus is on outward behavior and not the heart.  The result is “shallow soil” and any apparent evidence of faith quickly “withers for lack of moisture.”

Another approach to lifestyle change is to try to impose parental values upon the teen. A common way we do this is by establishing certain Christian values as part of the culture of our youth ministry and expecting conformity.  Generally these values are positive values such as kindness to others and respect for leadership.  They may even be backed up by the majority of the youth group who adopt them and in doing so exert a positive peer pressure on the newcomer.  Yet as desirable as this is, conformity to these values does not constitute conversion.  A young person may exhibit adherence to these values while in the youth group, and yet once faced with conflicting circumstances and pressures may find these values easily “choked”

A more effective way to challenge culture is to focus on what is true.  By giving teens accurate information they are able to receive the seed of God’s word and go on to “produce a crop one hundred times as much as had been planted.” Yet many are unable to receive this truth, blinded by the false worldview which has captivated them.  If they are to be set free to embrace Christian character they must be impacted at a more profound level.