Posts Tagged ‘For Parents’
Spiritual Competence: what does it mean to fully grow followers of Jesus Christ?
Most workers in youth ministry and parents have a tacit understanding of what they want youth to know/believe/experience/do before they leave youth ministry. However, many leaders and parents lack a clear definition of discipleship, and this lack of clarity may hinder efforts to guide youth toward being full-blown Disciples of Christ.
The Bible tells us about three key aspects of this important topic:
- Dimensions of Discipleship (What knowledge, experience, and relationships are essential?)
- The Process of Discipleship (How does one become a disciple?)
- The Marks of a Disciple (What is the nature of Christ likeness, and what do we need to keep in mind as we develop curriculum to teach Christ likeness?)
In reality, most of us emphasize one dimension of discipleship more than the others. Some of us default to the practices that helped us grow. Perhaps taking a serious look at the subject will help us be more biblical and intentional in our approaches.
The Four Dimensions of Discipleship
Luke 2:52 gives us a window into the adolescent years of Jesus, telling us that he grew in two ways: horizontally (in favor with man) and vertically (in favor with God). These two dimensions also are modeled in the cross. Vertical discipleship includes being reconciled to God (Rom. 5:10), while horizontal discipleship means we must be reconciled with others (Matt. 5:24; 25:40).
This two-dimensional approach is superior to the one-dimensional “Jesus-and-me” approach promoted by some leaders. Although the vertical dimension is critically important, no one can grow as a disciple of Christ in isolation.
Still, this two-dimensional model does not go far enough in describing the multi-dimensional reality of the human experience. Let’s consider a four-sided approach modeled on the pyramid, which has three visible sides and a base. This pyramid model will help illustrate the following four dimensions of discipleship.
- Belief—This is the cognitive side of making a disciple. What are the core beliefs youth need to know to provide them with a biblical foundation? Teaching and rehearsing these foundational truths is a critically important dimension of discipleship. Romans 10:2 speaks of those who “have a zeal for God, but not according to knowledge.” It is a scary thing to observe ignorance on fire! Yet in our effort to disciple youth, we sometimes have more zeal than knowledge, more pep rally than content. .
- Relationship—Accountability comes with relationship. Fruit of the Spirit is exhibited in community. In John 13:35, Jesus tells us exactly how people will be able to recognize his disciples, and it is not by how well they do on a Jesus pop-quiz. He reminds us that we will be identified as His disciples by our love for one another. Knowledge is important, but the context of community is where discipleship is practiced and observed.
- Conviction—This side of the pyramid may be unobservable at times, although it is vital to discipleship. This is the passion that drives our obedience. Without it, youth are simply duty-driven in following Christ. Paul speaks of this dimension of discipleship in 2 Corinthians 5:14 where he declares the love of Christ compels him because he is convinced. These words are filled with passion and personal conviction.
It is not enough to simply “know the right things” or “do the right things.” Youth must have the “right passion and conviction” as motivation. If we ignore this attitudinal dimension (as difficult as it is to observe or measure), our discipleship endeavor is simply the dead obedience of legalism.
- Mystery—This fourth dimension of discipleship is the hidden base of the entire pyramid. Though often overlooked, the role of the Holy Spirit in discipleship is an essential dimension that we cannot orchestrate, manipulate, or control.
We plan, plant, and water, but growth and sanctification are under God’s control (1 Corinthians 3:6–7; 1 Thessalonians 5:23). It is God’s timing, and we cannot nor should we seek to manipulate it. Prayer is our most powerful resource in cultivating this mysterious dimension of discipleship.
The Path and Pace of Discipleship
God has wired each of us differently; although we might embrace this conceptually, we don’t always acknowledge it practically when we disciple youth. Each of us experiences God differently; and the rhythm and pace of our growth will vary, as well.
In his book Sacred Pathways, Gary Thomas identifies nine paths of spiritual formation. The naturalist grows closer to God while summiting a 14,000-foot peak in the Rockies or looking in awe at a spectacularly starry night. The intellectual finds God most profoundly in the pages of the Bible and books of theology. The enthusiast encounters God when participating in full-throttle, unashamed worship. The ascetic finds spiritual growth in the places of quiet solitude with God.
Youth who may experience nothing while having their “quiet time” may be profoundly deepened in their relationship with Christ while actively helping the poor or building a home for the homeless. One size does not fit all.
One of the most common and costly mistakes made by youth leaders while discipling youth is the assumption that their youth will encounter God most profoundly in the same way the leaders themselves did.
Part of the cure is to accept the idea that God has wired youth differently. The other part is to identify how our youth are wired and lean into their lives appropriately. Youth ministries that focus on a single type of spiritual path will frustrate the discipleship of those who need other paths.
The New Testament depicts the disciples’ variety of pathways and pacing.
The apostle Paul was biblically accurate and theologically sound. He was well-trained and wrote letters filled with deep truth and instruction.
Thomas seemed to experience God most profoundly when he could see, touch, and speak with Him. Although some of us have been a bit skeptical and suspicious of our senses, there are those such as Thomas who find in them an important part of their spiritual growth.
Peter was emotional and impetuous. He had a short fuse. He hacked off ears and blurted out statements that came back to bite him. It seemed Jesus had to repeat things to Peter a few times before they stuck. He tended to act and then think.
Marks of a Disciple
If our goal in youth ministry is to graduate fully devoted followers of Christ, then describe what it means to be such a follower. I believe most leaders have never articulated a clear description of a discipled youth. When youth graduate from your ministry, how will they be defined? What is your curriculum for Christ-likeness? If you don’t have a clear understanding of where you want them to be when they leave your ministry, they will have a difficult time knowing what is expected. Aim at nothing and you’ll hit it.
Sometimes we better grasp a concept by understanding its opposite. In his book The Divine Conspiracy, Dallas Willard includes a chapter titled “Curriculum for Christlikeness” in which he describes what a curriculum promoting Christlikeness is not:
- It is not simply external conformity.
- It is not special experiences.
- It is not faithfulness to the church or a profession of perfectly held doctrine.
Let me challenge you to create your best definition of discipleship, keeping your “finger in the biblical text” and resisting the press of political correctness, as well as cultural relevance.
The dimensions of discipleship, the path and pace of discipleship, and the marks of discipleship provide a solid foundation on which we can discuss methodology. Without that foundation, our discipleship endeavor will be susceptible to fads and formulas that may provide immediate but unsustainable growth.
PERSONAL REFLECTION
- How am I addressing the four dimensions of discipleship (belief, relationship, conviction, mystery) in my teenager? How could I do a better job of incorporating them?
- How do I encounter God most profoundly? How does this impact the way I teach and relate to my teen? What are some other ways I could try to communicate with teens that think and learn differently than me?
- Do I have an understanding of where I want my teens to be, spiritually, as a result of the ministry to youth at my church? What marks of a disciple would I like to see in my teens? How could I be more intentional about reaching these goals?
Help your Teen Daughter Develop a Healthy Body Image
“I’m fat!” “I’m ugly!” “I have nothing to wear that doesn’t make me look gross!”
Despite all your pep talks and positive reinforcement, you can’t seem to get through to your daughter. She’s unhappy with her appearance and convinced that everyone else is looking at her with judgment. You’re sad that she’s so one, too focused on her physical appearance and second, doesn’t appreciate her unique beauty. How do you help your daughter develop a healthy body image?
Healthy self esteem comes from the inside. As much as we would like to be able to pour it into our kids like a bucket, it isn’t that simple. However, there ARE ways we as parents can help:
Studies show that girls who play sports have a more positive body image than girls who don’t. It’s important for girls to play sports or do some kind of challenging physical activity so that they learn to appreciate their bodies for what they can DO instead of only what they look like. This is very important. If your daughter isn’t into soccer or tennis, how about martial arts, ballet or dance? Learning to carry oneself with pride and a growing sense of accomplishment as one meets challenges is how self esteem is built.
Try a reality check. Look at fashion magazines with your daughter and talk about how the photos are airbrushed and how the models are made-up by a team of experts. The reality is, no fashion model or actress actually looks like that when she wakes up in the morning! Help her understand that these images are not “real”. You may want to place a limit on how many of these magazines you allow your daughter to read. They can have a negative impact on a young woman’s self image.
Emphasize good health over looks. Not every body type has the genetics to be a size 2, but you can be healthy and feel great at a size 12. Taking good care of our skin and hair helps us glow from the inside. Girls need to find their comfortable weight and love themselves for who they are instead of comparing themselves to others. Emphasizing nutrition and exercise will help your daughter maximize her natural assets. Healthy and happy is always in style.
Help her pick out clothing that is flattering to her body. Girls want to wear what everyone else is wearing. Unfortunately not all cuts are becoming to all body sizes and shapes. Find some good books at the library that show you how to dress for your body shape. Wearing the right colors for your skin tone, hair and eye color also helps you look your best.
While you are working toward building your daughter’s image, remind her siblings and father that teasing, name calling and rude comments about their sister’s looks will not be tolerated. Avoid watching TV programs and movies that emphasize physical beauty too much or that promote a disrespectful attitude towards women and their bodies.
Finally, if your teen is overweight, institute an exercise / healthy eating program as a family. Start going for walks or runs with her, begin a sport together, join a ladies only gym. Getting active and exercising regularly boosts the mood and encourages more activity even before the weight starts to come off, creating a positive cycle. An overweight teen is going to have a low self image in our thin obsessed society. Work together as a family – it will go a long way in helping your teen daughter develop a healthy body image.
Written by Aurelia Williams
How To Instill Confidence in Your Teen
When teens have confidence they believe that they have the ability to succeed and perform well academically, socially, and in those areas of life important to them. What can you do as a parent to instill confidence in your teen?
Start by having a conversation with your teen about being a leader of his or her life and not a follower. Teens are bombarded by influences from friends, the media and social networks and having a conversation can go a long way toward helping keep their self-esteem intact. One parent was concerned about her daughter’s development and confidence and asked a child psychologist the following questions.
Here is what ensued:
Q. I have a 14-year-old daughter, and I want her to BE 14. Why is the whole world trying to make girls this age act older?
A. Girls are confronted with so many influences – it’s really our culture. If you could take culture out of the mix here, girls might be a truer representation of a typical 14-year-old. Our culture is moving very fast and marketing and sales certainly fuels a lot of direction towards young girls. Young girls are big consumers. So what parents have to do is empower their daughters with the smarts and with the leadership skills to navigate, understand, and look critically at the media and different companies that are trying to sell to them. When I say leadership skills, I’m talking about helping them choose, clarify and cherish their value system.
Q. Why is it important to build those leaderships skills?
A. We cannot take them out of the culture that they are developing in so parents need to give them the tools, the practical everyday tools, and the skills to look critically at the media and say, “is this right for me here?” “What are they really trying to sell me?” Our daughters need to say the media or anybody else does not need to tell me how “I need to be.”
Q. How do we help parents get a handle on some of the issues their teenagers are facing?
A. Help your teenager develop leadership, decision-making, and problem-solving skills around real life situations so that they can make the decisions that are right for them within the context of their families and their communities. Remember confidence is about what you believe you can do. As your child becomes more competent in leadership, decision-making, and problem-solving, he or she will gain greater confidence.
The Heart of a Humble Parent
Do you ever talk to your children about your failings? About your sometimes unenlightened decisions? I was raised with a distorted view that life is just something that happens to you, and not a reality that is formed, in part, by your everyday decisions.
When you don’t evaluate the impact your decisions have on your life, you are lacking a skill that your children will never learn other than by example.
When you make a decision that negatively affects your life or the lives of others, be the first to admit it. Admit your mistake and resolve to handle any resulting consequences of your actions.
Sound simple? It really is. It takes a little practice and a humble spirit, but you will be teaching your children a very important lesson: how to honor others.
When you don’t deal with the consequences of your actions and don’t admit your failings, your children will get one or more of the following messages:
– adults don’t make mistakes
– when something goes wrong in my life it is someone else’s fault
– if I make a poor choice and don’t own up to it I am not accountable for it
Is this the message you want to send your child? Talk to your children when you’ve made a decision you could have maybe handled differently. Ask them their opinion on what they would have done in your situation and how they would have handled it differently.
Of course you can also do this when your children make poor choices of their own. But failing to share your own mistakes (after you’ve owned up to them) shows your children that adults, too, make mistakes. The goal is not to grow up to be someone who always makes the right decision (easy to mistakenly believe), but someone who takes responsibility for their own actions, whatever the cost.
Article by:
Rachel Paxton is a freelance writer and mom of four. For complete resources for the Christian home, visit her web site at www.Christian-Parent.com [2].
Article printed from LadyPens: http://www.ladypens.com
URL to article: http://www.ladypens.com/the-heart-of-a-humble-parent/
URLs in this post:
[1] RSS feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/ladypens
[2] www.Christian-Parent.com: http://www.christian-parent.com/
[3] Eight Time-Saving Cooking Tips: http://www.ladypens.com/eight-time-saving-cooking-tips/
[4] Scheduling Quiet Time: http://www.ladypens.com/scheduling-quiet-time/
[5] A Child Can Make a Difference: http://www.ladypens.com/a-child-can-make-a-difference/
[6] Time Management for Kids: http://www.ladypens.com/time-management-for-kids/
[7] Timely Thank-You’s: http://www.ladypens.com/timely-thank-yous/
Sensitizing Your Teen
Community is what enables us to think beyond ourselves and have a sense of social justice. Most of the time when we speak of someone who is kind, who listens, who always seems to know the right thing to say, who seems genuinely interested in us and with whom we feel at home, we are describing a person who understands community.
In this realm, community may be thought of as being composed of two specific feelings – empathy and sympathy. Empathy is the ability to feel another person’s pain. Sympathy is feeling sorrowful that another person is suffering. These feeling can occur independently and simultaneously. Because of our capacity for empathy and sympathy, we can think beyond our immediate physical needs and creature comforts. A community minded person is not content to say, “I have mine, so now it’s every man for himself.” She looks beyond her own situation and is concerned with the welfare of others, often to the extent that she cannot be happy with what she has if she knows others have less. She wants everyone to have what they need. She knows that everyone should expect to receive a fair chance, equal opportunity, freedom from discrimination, and a full measure of equality and dignity under the law. You can help your teen become a community minded person by nurturing and enhancing his or her sense of sympathy and empathy.
MAINTAIN A POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP
Empathize with your teen. Sometimes it’s difficult, perhaps even painful, to recall how you felt when you were a teen. But when you do, you will discover you end up having more empathy for what your child is going through. This will also help you in expressing care for them as they pull away.
BUILD LIFE SKILLS
Make your home a laboratory for understanding community. This is contagious. Community minded parents raise community minded teens. As a parent, model sympathy and empathy and actions that display a sense of community. Share your opinions about those issues that are close to your heart. Explain why you care. Make it acceptable to have and share an emotional life with your teen.
GIVE TEENS THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEAD
Encourage your teen to hone their sense of community close to home. You can help sensitize your teen by helping them care for family members who are sick or indisposed. Additionally, encourage your teen to speak out for social justice.