Archive for October, 2011
Sensitizing Your Teen
Community is what enables us to think beyond ourselves and have a sense of social justice. Most of the time when we speak of someone who is kind, who listens, who always seems to know the right thing to say, who seems genuinely interested in us and with whom we feel at home, we are describing a person who understands community.
In this realm, community may be thought of as being composed of two specific feelings – empathy and sympathy. Empathy is the ability to feel another person’s pain. Sympathy is feeling sorrowful that another person is suffering. These feeling can occur independently and simultaneously. Because of our capacity for empathy and sympathy, we can think beyond our immediate physical needs and creature comforts. A community minded person is not content to say, “I have mine, so now it’s every man for himself.” She looks beyond her own situation and is concerned with the welfare of others, often to the extent that she cannot be happy with what she has if she knows others have less. She wants everyone to have what they need. She knows that everyone should expect to receive a fair chance, equal opportunity, freedom from discrimination, and a full measure of equality and dignity under the law. You can help your teen become a community minded person by nurturing and enhancing his or her sense of sympathy and empathy.
MAINTAIN A POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP
Empathize with your teen. Sometimes it’s difficult, perhaps even painful, to recall how you felt when you were a teen. But when you do, you will discover you end up having more empathy for what your child is going through. This will also help you in expressing care for them as they pull away.
BUILD LIFE SKILLS
Make your home a laboratory for understanding community. This is contagious. Community minded parents raise community minded teens. As a parent, model sympathy and empathy and actions that display a sense of community. Share your opinions about those issues that are close to your heart. Explain why you care. Make it acceptable to have and share an emotional life with your teen.
GIVE TEENS THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEAD
Encourage your teen to hone their sense of community close to home. You can help sensitize your teen by helping them care for family members who are sick or indisposed. Additionally, encourage your teen to speak out for social justice.
How You Affect Society
Community is what enables us to think beyond ourselves and have a sense of social justice. Most of the time when we speak of someone who is kind, who listens, who always seems to know the right thing to say, who seems genuinely interested in us and with whom we feel at home, we are describing a person who understands community. In this realm, community may be thought of as being composed of two specific feelings – empathy and sympathy.
Empathy is the ability to feel another person’s pain. Sympathy is feeling sorrowful that another person is suffering. These feeling can occur independently and simultaneously. Because of our capacity for empathy and sympathy, we can think beyond our immediate physical needs and creature comforts. A community minded person is not content to say, “I have mine, so now it’s every man for himself.” She looks beyond her own situation and is concerned with the welfare of others, often to the extent that she cannot be happy with what she has if she knows others have less. She wants everyone to have what they need. She knows that everyone should expect to receive a fair chance, equal opportunity, freedom from discrimination, and a full measure of equality and dignity under the law.
As a teenager, you are evolving into a broader sense of community. Just like all of your body parts fit together to make the total person – You, you in turn fit as a part of the broader community – Society. What you bring to society – positively or negatively, is what affects society. Our society will only get better when you begin to recognize that it is not all about you, but community. You can impact our community when you dare to make a difference. Fairness, equality, justice, and change do not just happen. They require you as the catalyst.
Ephesians 2:21 reminds us that God has joined together the whole structure of believers as a holy temple of the Lord. You do not have to wait until you are a senior citizen to make a difference. You can begin today.
Make Teens Know They Matter
Compassion, unlike confidence and competence, is the first of the critical areas of growth that extends beyond the boundaries of self and acknowledges the importance of others. When teens experience compassion for others – whether family members, friends, teachers, coaches, mentors, and people in the community, they contribute to their well-being as well as having their own well-being enhanced. Compassion draws on the notion that we as humans are inherently social creatures. No matter how confident or competent we may be, we still need other people to create healthy, productive lives. Ultimately, a person who is compassionate toward others is in tune with himself or herself. He or she has an awareness of their feelings and thoughts as they relate to both others and self. There are many ways adults can foster compassion so that teens feel more in touch with themselves, each other, their parents, the adults in the world, and their communities.
MAINTAIN A POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP
The best conversations with teens take place when you respect their needs relating to time and space. Timing is a huge variable when talking to teens. Just because you want to talk about something does not mean your teen agrees. Support your teens efforts to connect to people outside of the family.
BUILD LIFE SKILLS
Make compassion part of the conversation you have with your teens. Talk to your teen about the people you work with, your friends, your support systems, and your extended family. Reflect on why and how you value these people, how the relationships met your expectations, and where they have fallen short. Be active in your community. Promote social and emotional competence.
GIVE TEENS THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEAD
Create opportunities to collaborate with teens. If you begin this process early, it will be in place as teens grow and more important family decisions are at stake. Encourage cross-generational relationships. Make teens know that they matter.
The First of the Critical Areas
Compassion, unlike confidence and competence, is the first of the critical areas of growth that extends beyond the boundaries of self and acknowledges the importance of others. When you experience compassion for others – whether family members, friends, teachers, coaches, mentors, and people in the community, you contribute to their well-being as well as having your own well-being enhanced.
Compassion draws on the notion that we as humans are inherently social creatures. No matter how confident or competent we may be, we still need other people to create healthy, productive lives. Ultimately, a person who is compassionate toward others is in tune with himself or herself. He or she has an awareness of their feelings and thoughts as they relate to both others and self. Have you ever volunteered to do something for someone without having to be recognized for doing it? Have you ever volunteered to do something for someone when the recipient of your efforts was not able to express appreciation? Have you ever visited a nursing home to encourage an incapacitated senior who was not a relative or someone you knew? Your answer to these questions may be a resounding, “no.” However, when you come to the realization that you are important and that you matter and are valued, you will begin to experience a love that controls and compels you to have compassion for others. This love is found in Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 5:14-15).
Understanding Confidence
Confidence as defined here is the perception that you can achieve desired goals through your actions. A confident teen believes that he or she has the ability to succeed and perform well academically, socially, and in those areas of life important to him or her. Teens learn confidence when the adults in their life instill and enhance their sense of self-determination, independent thinking, and self-esteem. Whereas competence is about what you can do, confidence is about what you believe you can do.
Confidence is expressed differently at different ages. Although some of the characteristics of confidence remain the same throughout the adolescent years, others evolve as teens mature and acquire new roles, responsibilities, and interests. For adolescents ages 14-19, research has demonstrated that there is a need for perceived competence in the following areas in order for them to feel confident: scholastic ability, athletic ability, physical appearance, peer acceptance, global self-worth, morality (the perception that he or she understands the moral underpinnings of behavior and acts in accordance with the rules of society), close friendships, romantic relationships, job competence, sense of humor,relationships with parents, intellectual ability (real life settings apart from school), and creativity (generation of new and important products or ideas as distinct from intellectual ability).
This detailed notion of confidence means three things for parents seeking to promote positive youth development. First, it underscores that confidence is not a single global concept. Second, adults raising adolescents need to recognize that confidence is linked to age. Finally, even the least confident teen can be helped. Here are some practical ways you can help.
MAINTAIN A POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP
Enhance your child’s global self-worth by telling him every day that you love and value him, and create tangible expressions of it. Share your own experiences with self-confidence issues to strengthen your relationship with your child.
BUILD LIFE SKILLS
Compensate for low confidence in one area by targeting an area of strength and helping your teen generalize this feeling to other areas. Extract success from failure by enabling teens to become their own models. Offer support in ways that build up and boost rather than undermine confidence.
GIVE TEENS THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEAD
Ask your teenager for help with challenges to your own sense of confidence. Help your teen shift her focus from herself so she can better appreciate the perspective of others. Encourage your teen to take the initiative and seek out facts that will help bolster her confidence.